i can't wait to live by myself,
to have my own house or apartment or whatever.
how sweet will that be?
sure, it's a lot more work and stuff,
and i'd have a lot more responsibility,
but it'd be mine and that is awesome.

hm,
i think i'm a pretty selfish person.
i don't like sharing.
even when it's something i don't even care about sharing,
i still get an awkward feeling like,
"that's mine, just so you know, you can have some i guess, but don't push it."

i've come to realize that i'm extremely territorial,
it's a real ass hole trait.
however,
there is another side to it as well,
and that is my acknowledgement of other peoples "territory."
i think this is how i manage to balance myself out so i'm not completely controlling or anything like that.
i take care of what's mine.
if it's someone elses,
then i respect that and let them have it.
i even feel awkward when i'm involved with other peoples possessions,
like i'm intruding.
i don't like that feeling,
so i leave it alone.

this trait is also probably why it's such a big deal to me when i "gain" or "lose" somebody.
for some reason,
my head treats relationships like a turf war.
whenever i "lose" someone,
it's like i'm losing ground and i need to find somewhere else to live,
somewhere else to rest my head.
it's a strange concept i know,
but it makes sense to me right now.
i am just like an animal,
constantly fighting for ground and marking my turf,
evolution kinda skipped out on me there i guess.

lately however,
i've felt like i'm intruding,
like i'm walking all over a lot of foreign ground.
i'm lost as to where the line is,
and i'm having a hard time figuring out where my ground even is anymore.
where do you stand when you can't find anything solid?

i don't know.
that's kinda been my theme as of late,
there has been a lot of questioning going on for me without much resolution.
lack of resolution of course leads to more questions and things pile up to the rafters until i feel like i'm going to explode,
but it wouldn't be the first time.
i'll figure something out eventually,
i always do.
but for now i'm left hangin',
waiting for someone to crack and something to give.
till then,
i just don't know...