i'm beginning to find fault in my musical aspirations.

it almost seems like when i first started getting into music,
it was an art,
it was a special talent that set one apart from the average.
rock stars weren't normal people,
they were more like demi-gods,
with a divine presence that no normal mortal could possess;
i wanted that then and still do now.
some people turn to religion for purpose,
but i chose to turn to music instead.
i wanted to play my music and and find peace in myself,
i wanted to play my music and understand the world,
i wanted to play my music and know that the universe is right.

i'm just now coming to realize that maybe i was wrong,
maybe my answers can't be found in music,
especially in a day and age when musicians are more common than doctors or lawyers.
music has become a valid, everyday profession,
and by no means does it make you special;
it has lost it's mystique.
don't get me wrong,
i still love music and plan to keep on playing,
but sometimes i just feel so cheap when i play,
like i'm just another normal person trying to make an easy living,
like i'm too pathetic to do anything revolutionary,
too full of shit to really make a difference.

i guess what i'm saying is that i don't know what i'm doing here anymore.
and the trials continue...