there are a ton of old and left over fortune cookies floating around my house right now.
so, i decided the other day that i would have one at the beginning of every day to help get rid of them and to see "what to watch for" that day;
just something stupid and fun at the beginning of every day,
and actually, they've been surprisingly accurate.
vague, yes, but that's the nature of the thing.

today, my cookie had this to say:
"Never fear! The end of something marks the beginning of something new."

normally, this sort of vague cookie wouldn't phase me,
but today, it was almost too accurate as i had been feeling just before i had it that there was some big change coming.
it was a pressing feeling,
not urgent, but definitely pressing.
maybe it was a "get off your ass and be the change" feeling,
that could be it.
i don't know.

i'm pretty lonely.
not sad or depressed, just tired of being alone.
my friends are great, i love them.
the whole "outside inn" situation is lame, but whatever;
if that's the most of my problems then i think i'm doin' alright.
my family is pretty good, i think.
my mom gets sad still, but since she's been "on strike" she's been much better.
my life isn't bad, not even close,
but i'm still lonely.
i'm tired of sleeping alone,
and i mean sleeping,
though it would be nice to get a little play occasionally.

i suppose it's my own fault,
it's not like i'm out searching for anyone,
and i've never been big on one night stands.
not that i'm not down for them,
just that it's never been my style.
i'm not smooth, i have no game;
it is a sad trait that all of us with "stanley ipkiss/nice guys finish last syndrome" have to deal with.

eh, whatever.
i'm not complaining, just explaining.
i'm tired of being lonely.
i miss the feeling of being with somebody.
actually, now that i think about it,
i don't even remember what that feels like.
maybe i'm trying to fill a void,
maybe i'm trying to justify this pressing feeling,
or maybe i'm just trying to understand how and why i feel.

i'm searching for answers.
i'm searching for change.
i'm searching for someone to love me.

"and i will hang my head, hang my head low..."