i just determined the best way to describe how doomed to loneliness i am:

i'm "a keeper," that doesn't get kept.

i'm dysfunctional like a misfit toy;
i can get 'em to love me,
everyone says i'm a catch and "a keeper,"
but when it comes down to it,
i just can't keep 'em around.

i'm a misfit boy,
trapped on a forgotten island,
and santa won't find someone to love me...