i approach this blog with an unusual amount of determination,
or something like it.
honestly, i just don't know.

i am looking for a new beginning.
i am looking for the start of something great.
i need a sign,
i need something.
i just want to leave.
not to run away from the past,
but to start something new.
i'm so ready for the change.

i feel like i'm just not going anywhere,
like i'm just not doing what i should be doing.
i need a little more isolation i think.
some people get confused and they need to talk to someone,
i need to be left alone.
i need a shitty place to live.
i need no tv.
i need just work and music,
i need to make music my home.
i need to study.
i want to learn so much.

i have no clue what the fuck i'm talking about.
how will leaving change anything?
where would i go?

i think i might be holding them back.
i think they might be holding me back.
john could do better without me, berklee provides way more opportunities than the outside inn does and probably ever will.
nick has other things that are important to him now, which is good for him and i'm happy for him.
aaron is off doing the recording school thing, getting his life together.
sepe is really just an emt, he'll get tired of the band again soon i'm sure.
it just seems like we're all destined for something else.
we have always been a band that makes music we enjoy,
we never really cared how other people felt,
but now that we have to start thinking about whether people like it or not,
i have had to focus more keenly on whether i really like it or not,
and i'm beginning to question it all.
and what am i supposed to do?
just say "scrap it all, let's start fresh!"?
it doesn't work like that.
i don't have that power.
it'd be unfair.
i am so torn over this.

i don't know the whats, whys, or hows,
all i know is that i need some change,
and i need it really fucking' soon...