sitting by myself,
my newsual spot on the fourth floor.
i'm running out of floors.
holding onto this table for dear life while i type;
typing what i hope doesn't come out as too heavy.
i'm tired of heavy.

the days are long,
the nights are hard,
bedtime is always lonely,
and mirrors are starting to bother me.

yesterday, a friend i haven't seen in a while visited me at work.
she's awesome, the type of person you're glad to know.
i realized that i have moved a lot in my life.
made friends and split, never to see them again.
i do that,
connect with people, let it be what it is, and then leave.

i thought of my dad.
he had a lot of friends from school and growing up that he just doesn't see or talk to anymore.
he doesn't keep in touch with anyone.
he's quiet about things like that,
not that he's a really quiet person,
but he just lets things be.

my dad likes to wander.
in hawaii, when we just got in, all jet-lagged and tired,
he wandered around town while we all slept it off.
he just likes to mosey.
he checks things out, acknowledges their existence, and walks right by.
what a nutty guy.
it makes me smile thinking about him just checking things out.
he's funny.

my mom loves him.
i don't know why exactly, but i know she does.
she gets so upset with him,
but i know there's love behind it all.

i wish i could've seen them fall in love.
what they were doing, what they were like.
i know minor details, but that's it.
i bet my mom was so beautiful when she was in love.
i would've loved to see them wake up and not be able to take it until they saw each other.
they were so young...