there is a constant battle forever going on in my head that i feel like talking about tonight,
and that is the battle over the question:
does god exist or not?

ultimately,
i can promise you that this post will not reveal the answer,
as i have touched upon the subject before in this blog and come up with relatively squat.

honestly, i don't even know where to begin.
i think that i want god to exist.
the idea has a sort of comfort that would make everything seem ok and worthwhile.

however,
if god did exist, i would be very angry to know that the travesties of the world not only could have been averted, but were in fact created by it.

of course,
the rebuttal is that we all go to a "better" place,
and if i knew that god existed and was caring for these our fallen brothers and sisters,
i would be considerably more understanding.

enter the concept of faith.
i don't have it.
not in myself,
not in others,
and certainly not in god.
i've grown up with a real "me against the world" attitude.
not for any reason,
that's just how i've come to be,
and i'm not the only one.
i know that in this day and age there are millions of us out there,
constantly looking over our shoulder,
befriending for trust,
and always remaining wary of even our closest allies.
is this the devil's work?

forgive the cheesiness,
but i believe the phrase is,
"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist."
how is one to know whether or not their fear was implanted by the devil?
and if the devil does exist,
it would certainly appear as though he's winning,
so where's god?
are we doomed to be victims of our own cynicism?
i don't know.

personally,
i believe in god as a metaphor.
contrary to tradition,
i believe not that man was modeled in god's image,
but rather that god was modeled in man's image.
you see,
i like to believe that the average person knows what is truly right and what is truly wrong;
enter the idea of god:
representing love and oneness,
respecting nature and thy neighbor,
reminding us not to kill for the sake of killing.
god is all seeing.
god is all knowing.
god is all understanding.
god is everything that man can strive for.

"love no god but me."
this is trivial.
it's not saying that i am the only being to be worshipped,
it's saying that these are the ideals that you know are right.
this means simply,
do what you know is right, not what you know is wrong.
duh, pretty obvious i think.

organized religion has ruined this idea of god,
breaking it's own rules and turning god into the idol.
god is a feeling,
and it is a feeling that time is slowly forgetting.
the world needs a revival,
and it's not going to come by sitting around and praying to something that isn't there.
it's going to come from us,
from you,
from me.
we are god.
we are the change we seek...