i'm searching for essence,
in more than one way.
a thought to help me feel,
a drug to take it all away.

i don't get sick anymore.
i have new priorities now.
it's weird to think how much i've really taken to this thing.
i guess i forgot how it feels not to feel,
i kinda like it.
baggage is overrated,
who needs it.

i think i'm getting closer to the person i want to be,
which is kinda an odd statement seeing what i've bee up to lately.
i just don't care anymore.

i keep writing, "i guess," and, "i think," in these things;
i've gotta learn to make a solid statement,
without any second guessing.
so:

we all reach a point in our lives where nothing matters.
who knows why it happens?
some people may have epiphanies,
some people may be under the influence of mind altering drugs when it happens,
some people probably even study philosophy and psychology and gradually comes to terms with it.
me?
i'm one of the majority class who comes to realize this fact when their chips are down and their forced to make a move.
you get backed into a corner,
frightened, ready to pounce,
but once you realize their really isn't anything you can do,
and anything you did do wouldn't help much anyways,
you stand up,
brush yourself off,
regain your composure and say,
"fuck this shit, i'm out!"
then you walk away.

success isn't the key,
love isn't the key,
hate certainly isn't the key,
so what is?
indifference, i say, because frankly, who gives a shit?
i've come to realize that life moves a lot more smoothly if you just go with the flow and don't care about things like the future or success.
and it definitely moves more smoothly if you stop caring about other peoples ideals;
everybody has right to think and feel whatever,
we're all cool in our own way,
so let's just chill and go with the flow.
i like that.
go with the flow,
a liquid approach,
i've been a solid for too long.
liquid is in...

ps - if you're reading this, it's good to have you back. give me a call, we should chill. i'd like that.