i may have talked about this before,
but it's on my mind now so i'd like to talk about it anyways.

i went to high school with this girl who's name i cannot remember,
in fact, i'm sure there are probably very few that remember her name from high school because she was not a known person at all.
she was fat, had glasses, acne, and a thick moustache for a girl.
she wore a lot of gray, a goofy "un-hip" coat all the time, and smelt awful.
she didn't have many friends,
partially due to her "shortcomings,"
but also because she was just kinda mean.
(though i can't really hold that against her, she was probably picked on a lot growing up)
i don't say this to be cruel at all,
i say this to paint a picture of what she was so i can tell you what she's become.

please, keep in mind that i don't really even know this girl or how she feels about her current situation, or even her past situation for that matter, i'm just an observer who saw her in high school and sees her occasionally now at FSC, where we both attend college.

she's thinner... a lot thinner.
i don't know how (surgery or otherwise),
but this girl, who used to be pretty large, is now rail thin,
so much so that she looks unhealthy,
like the crypt keeper,
and she's paler too.
no more acne so much, but she is so pale.
she looks like a strong wind would blow her over.
she appears to keep the moustache in check.
same glasses, different style clothes.
haven't had any classes with her in college,
so she could still smell but i haven't been around her that much to really tell.
i doubt it though, because i see her with people regularly.
she appears to be doing alright socially,
but she just looks so sick now.
from a health standpoint,
i'd say she's clearly unhealthy,
if not all together sick.

when i see her,
i wish i could go up to her and ask if it was worth it.
this girl clearly has put herself through some kind of physical episode to help her social situation,
i just wish i could ask her if it was worth it.
or maybe just if she's happy.

i wonder what people see in me now.
how have i changed?
am i drastically different physically or totally the same?
what does this tell people about who i am now as opposed to who i was then?
have i improved or gotten worse?
every now and then i see people i haven't seen in awhile,
what they're like and where they're at,
and it makes me think about what i'm like and where i'm at.

i don't mean to judge this girl,
like i said, i don't even know how she is,
she could be loving life for all i know.
i just mention it because i see her and i wonder about me.
how has my life progressed in relation to all of the people i used to know?
where am i at?
i think it might be easier to figure out where i was going if i knew where i was at now.
as for that,
i have no fucking clue...