lately, i've become more aware of my being and it's kinda freaking me out.
sometimes i just stop and listen and stare and all of a sudden things get distorted.
i don't know whether they seem more real to me or more fake to me,
but i know that things definitely become more apparent to me.
sometimes i can't believe i'm living;
like i'm here and things are happening.
it's overwhelming.
i start breathing real heavy sometimes,
like an asthma or panic attack,
but i'm fine and i know i'm fine,
so it stops.
sometimes too,
i see myself doing one thing and then acting out another,
stupid harmless things usually but different all the same.
for example,
walking between buildings on campus today,
i came across this tree with a mound of snow at it's base.
i saw myself whipping my bottle of water into the snow, kicking the tree trunk so it shook, then maybe trying to climb the tree just to see if i could, and laughing, lots of laughing.
in reality,
i walked right past it,
left only to wonder what it would have been like if i'd done what i'd envisioned.
would i have gotten in trouble?
would people have thought i was crazy?
would somebody have joined me?
did i just miss a chance to make a great friend?

"hold it high and hit it, you know i like it like that..."