so,
in 40 minutes my future will be all set.
i'll be a Professional Communications major,
with minors in Music and History.
cool.

now that that's out of the way,
i was thinking a lot last night about how people would react if i died suddenly,
like if i died in a car accident or something.
what would people do?
how would they feel?
who would bother to come to my funeral?
what would my family do with my stuff?
it's not a new subject for me,
in fact, i've thought about that for years,
far before most kids ever even really have a realistic grasp on what death is.
for the longest time,
i looked at it as a depressing sort of thing;
just another way for me to mentally break myself down to nothing,
but now it's different,
i don't see it as depressing at all.
for the first time,
i've come to view this personally common scenario in a new light.

why am i so bent on this and a slew of other scenes i lay out in my head?
simple: it's theatrics.
i'm looking for a story.
my whole life i've wanted to be a character,
like in a book or movie.
i'm not saying that i want the action packed lifestyle that i used to read about in my comic books,
i'm saying i want a story,
just a life worth reading about,
worth talking about.
that's what i get when i think about stupid shit like that,
i become the star of my own movie;
it's all dialogue and character development.
i'm not breaking down my mind,
i'm exercising my mind,
i'm exercising my creativity.
it's not me who's dying,
it's my character.
yet another cool.

man, life sure is getting easier now that i'm starting to figure out who i really am...